Letting ourselves be loved when we are most unworthy of love

It seems that Jesus did not always follow the rules.

Of course, He followed the unchanging law of God, but He did not always follow the rules made by man. He allowed His disciples to pick wheat to eat on a Sabbath. He also healed on the Sabbath. He ate with known sinners and allowed them to touch Him. He was not – IS not– limited by the rules set by human standards. No, Jesus always followed the need of people, not the rules set by them. He made His judgments not by outward appearances, but according to the sincerity of the heart.

We, of course, cannot see the heart as clearly, and we know our own hearts only imperfectly, and so we have a tendency to become “legalistic” in our following Christ. And this kind of legalism can lead to scrupulosity – because on our own, given our fallen nature, we can never do anything perfectly, and when we place too much emphasis on the external appearance or the mechanical adherence, we see only how we are acting, and how imperfectly we adhere! This vision of our unworthiness logically stirs up fear that we will never be good enough. But perfect love casts out fear.

Ah, there's the rub. We do not know love.

God is pure Love. Pure Love only wants what is best for others, and seeks ways to draw them to it. God is a good Father, a tender Father, a gentle Father. A Father who keeps His promises, and only wants us to return love for love. A Father who guards our every step, who forgets absolutely nothing but our sin - He forgets not one joy, not one pain, not one prayer, not one sigh. He is a Father who longs to hear us call Him by that familial word: "Father." This is not just pious rhetoric. This is very real; He longs to dwell with us, and not dwell on our sin. He provides every good thing for His children; He is constantly drawing His children to Himself (and we are all children when it comes to going home) in spite of our ingratitude and stubbornness. He is all mercy and compassion and love.

"Come to Me," He says to each of us.
Always, He says, “Come.”

If we could spend just five minutes every day simply "being" with God as His child, acknowledging Him as Father, not allowing our past sin to get in the way, we might make progress here.

Just be with your Father.
Know that He loves you.
HE loves you.
He LOVES you.
He loves YOU.

Of COURSE we're imperfect, of COURSE we're unworthy, of COURSE we have sinned today. And yesterday. And tomorrow. And probably until five minutes after we assume room temperature. Of course. That’s what the Sacrament of Reconciliation is for: reconciling. Perfection is God’s business; ours is just the trying.

We are fallen creatures. He loves us anyway. He wants to do the work for us, but He can't work if we're working too hard or making our own rules. Our work is in the surrendering, the admitting our imperfection and inability to perfect ourselves, our allowing Him to work in us.

We just have to say, "Yes."

We have to stop slipping into the kind of self-judgment that paralyzes us and keeps us from standing in His Presence. We have to stop ourselves in the tracks of perfectionist thoughts and say, "Jesus, I believe in Your love for me." We acknowledge our wrongs, our difficulties, our bad habits, and we know that our hope is in His unfailing mercy and love. We see what we are and we give it all to Him and allow Him to transform us.

This was the difference between Judas and Peter. They had both been chosen by Jesus, had traveled with Him, heard Him speak countless times. And they both betrayed Him. But Judas refused to accept the forgiveness he needed; letting oneself be loved when one is most unworthy of love takes great humility. Judas despaired because He did not trust in Christ’s forgiveness. Peter, on the other hand, wept bitterly and begged forgiveness; He trusted in the power of Christ’s love to overcome his own weakness. And he remained first among the Apostles.

We must have this same trust (it took Peter quite some time to learn it, so we must be patient with ourselves as well!). We have to be more certain of Christ’s love than we are of our own misery and sin. We must let Him judge.

Ask Him to make you what He wants you to be. Just keep trying to choose the best thing and leave the rest to Him. What's past is past. We only have right now to do what He wants, to love Him and love others. Imperfectly.

And that’s all He wants.