05 January 2007


Praying
through the
Dark


When prayer is labor
and prayer-bones ache
and physical and spiritual muscles
begin to shake;
when we stop seeking You
in the lightning
and in the earthquake,
and only want to give ourselves,
forgetting we’d wanted to take,
the toil and fatigue of duty
become a safe and welcome ark,
the glimpse of our own
nothingness a good and holy spark,
the desire for Your will alone
becomes our distinctive mark,
and at last we know that
Your radiance
is best seen
in the
dark.

6 Comments:

Blogger Gabrielle said...

Saying a prayer for you, kt. Is this how you are feeling now? Does it have anything to do with the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises you mentioned you were going to be doing? Are you okay?

Saturday, January 06, 2007 3:38:00 PM  
Blogger KathrynTherese said...

I am okay, Gabrielle. In fact, I have never been better, even though, yes, this is how I am feeling now.

But this darkness has never seemed such a welcome and secure place to me.This is the safe chrysalis in which we are transformed, and in which our humility is ever more deeply rooted. The experience of our utter helplessness and emptiness despite our intense efforts and pleas for light and strength confirms us in the truth, strengthens our trust, and forms within us a heart of gratitude which transforms our every act - all we do becomes a response to all we have been given, a gift of loving thankfulness, a truly eucharistic life.

Sunday, January 07, 2007 12:33:00 PM  
Blogger myosotis said...

Kathryn this is a beautiful poem that I'd like to print out and read when I feel that way. About 3 weeks ago, I had a look at a text about the Ignation spiritual exercises. I got to the point where it says that the devil will use the same tactics that a woman would use to tempt us. It kind of left me perplexed. I'm not a femminist by any means, and I realize the text was written a long time ago, so it must be contextualized, but it was hard to accept. I decided that day to look into it more deeply as soon as possible, because I realize I am missing out on a lot by not being familiar with this instrument.

At the Eucharistic Miracle yesterday, there was a basket with spiritual New Year's resolutions, with the name of a Saint and his or her feast day written on it. You are supposed to take one at random, and try to uphold that resolution for the whole year, through the intercession of that saint. Mine was, and not by chance I believe, St. Ignatius, July 31 (the day after my birthday).. :-)

Monday, January 08, 2007 12:27:00 PM  
Blogger KathrynTherese said...

fmn, the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises have stood the test of time, and I don't know anyone who has gone through them without benefit - a witness to what God can do when He chooses a specific instrument more than the words of St. Ignatius. They are a very basic examination of our faith, the way we live out our faith, and the depth to which we take our faith.

I have gone through them several times, and each time I feel that I am not able to do them well or give them the proper time and attention - my life "gets in the way." I often feel discouraged by about day 15 or 20 and think I should abandon ship, but I always tell myself I should finish what I have begun, especially if I have begun after consulting my director. And so I finish. And then, a few weeks later, I begin to see the fruit that seemed lacking.

One caveat: don't try to go through the Exercises alone. Find a priest who is familiar with them and is willing to meet with you several times throughout the 30 days. Because the enemy DOES use some very subtle tactics - like an evil woman might use on a naive or weak man, if you wanted to keep that analogy working :-/

It is often necessary to have a third party help us see what is wrong within us and what confusion is coming from outside of us.

Monday, January 08, 2007 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger Gabrielle said...

I am glad, kt. I would love to hear more of your thoughts (poetry, prose, combox) on living a truly eucharistic life.

Monday, January 08, 2007 4:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A beautiful and true poem-musing. The Exercises are indeed hard, and if there is a priest around to advise, it is the wisest way to undertake them. I've finally left off with them until (my) proper time; if the truth be known, I have all I can do to simply be a good Catholic.

More, tho', I want to say what was jogged when I read the word "eucharistic". Good Food for thought, that Word. :-)

I've never thought of myself as living the analogy of bread being broken and fed to others, the horizontal aspect of His sacrifice that we share in; I suppose many do, but anyway, it put me in mind of an old lady the other night who tho' a Methodist, has pretty much become eucharist in her love. She conquers her wanting to take, by giving. We have to do everything but breathe in and out for some, and she's approaching that point, and is terribly disappointed, but she gifts from it when possible. She sighed and answered, "Goodnight, my dear. I suppose you have to go get your other babies into bed now?" I smiled and nodded.

His babies, not mine, but yeah.. I hope to be gracious bread one day. What a hard school.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007 12:40:00 PM  

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